HMF Target Rap Battles 🎤

Screaming_Meat · October 28, 2021, 11:58am

can i uh maybe not?

not to be a party pooper, but i’m not comfortable with my ability to offer meaningful insights. if you think you’re an amateur after that showing, i don’t know what that makes me.

Fritz_Fuchs · October 29, 2021, 2:26pm

Nice to see Target Rap Battles back up and running!

I propose a lyrical boxing match between Sanchez and the newest contender, Sully “The Crusher” Bowden.

Nazareth · October 29, 2021, 3:42pm

Top tier battle MC has returned! Yeah, after awhile I couldn’t help myself and had bring this back. I’m about to start gearing up for a requested match up against @TheAtlanticTempest so I’ll be sitting this one out, but I would like to see you bump heads against @Heisenberg or @Screaming_Meat or any other newcomers.

Fritz_Fuchs · October 29, 2021, 8:11pm

Step into the ring motherfucker and fight me
I know you’re Dexter’s lap dog, but try not to bite me.
I’m wanted worldwide, so I’m going to have to lay low
While I kick the shit out of this discount Danny Trejo

I’m delivering lyrical uppercuts and hooks,
That will leave all 440 lbs of you shook.
And even though I’m currently expatriate,
Soon I’ll whip your ass harder than the fucking Patriot

Throwing fast punches as fly as my neck tats,
You’re just a big henchman and I can’t respect that
I make stacks of cash, spitting plenty of envois
While you follow Blake around like a chihuahua on steroids

You’re an experiment gone wrong - a miscalculated theorem
If you want to beat me, you’ll need more of that serum
I’m holding a fight tomorrow night, there’s no rush
But this massive Mexican’s about to be crushed!

Nazareth · October 29, 2021, 8:47pm

Whoa, all that time off has not rusted your edge one bit! As sharp as ever.

Nazareth · October 29, 2021, 10:27pm

“I raise above the skys to become queen of the hive before you were a twinkle in your daddy’s eye, and I despise when the young and dumb arrive, thinking they’ll somehow survive but never make it out alive for I eternally thrive.”

“There is no Kronstadt Industries without the Providence ministry. So no property then you’ll properly face poverty, probably because I own the monopoly. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not fuck with me as I have devotees that can guarantee you’ll crash your Hot Wheels and give you the third degree so you’ll look just like your daddy.”

“Now as you can see, I’m busy with a funeral to arrange Ms. Knox, but if you insist on this exchange due to your mental blocks, I can rearrange to have you buried inside of a box after my men, who are real jocks, stuff your face full cocks.”

TheAtlanticTempest · October 30, 2021, 2:09am

“Sierra Knox of Team Kronstadt, I pack my words together, compact.

So if you’re facing me on the track, I’ll leave this old hag with a hazy memory: Contracts!

With Providence collapsing, your failure’s quite apparent!

But with your children’s neuroses it’s clear you were quite a parent!

I’ll drop you and your empty threats in the trash!

Better hole up in your manor when you face my Wrath!

There’s already an open grave for you to rest!

But you want to keep eulogies in the family? Well, if you incest.”

Nazareth · October 30, 2021, 2:33am

That was decent. Reads more like a harsh poetry then a rap and there are good ideas in it but you don’t utilize them well enough, still not bad though.

Heisenberg · October 30, 2021, 2:38am

Lord, that was brutal, both of you. I’m gonna give @Nazareth the edge here, due to both more substance and style, but @TheAtlanticTempest, you had stronger burns, and if you had just one or two more, it would have been enough to take the win. That last line was fire, practically an atomic one. It just needed more.

Alexa wins by a hair.

TheAtlanticTempest · October 30, 2021, 2:54am

Battle rap is not among my talents, regrettably.

Nazareth · October 30, 2021, 2:57am

I still gotta give you credit, that last line was definitely a killer.

Nazareth · October 30, 2021, 3:35pm

@Fritz_Fuchs Though I’m not fond of Sanchez, I can’t let that sharp ass verse go to waste, even if I get sliced up by it. Going to be a little while but I’ll step in the ring.

But in the meantime…

Alexa(Naz)
S.Knox (Dustwolf)

0 voters

TheAtlanticTempest · October 31, 2021, 3:46am

Now that we got all 7 Sins, we start our Royale: Kody Haynes vs Joanne Bayswater vs Terrence Chesterfield vs Philo Newcombe vs Jack Roe and Robert Burk vs Allison Moretta vs Sully “the Crusher” Bowden. Anyone up?

Nazareth · October 31, 2021, 3:57am

Sounds exciting, though I’m not entirely sure how it’ll work. But I’d be up for playing The Liability again.

Nazareth · October 31, 2021, 4:48am

I always try to write my raps in accordance to the characters, but Sanchez Really ain’t got much going for him, so I had to bend my own rule to make him…more than he actually is, but this wouldn’t be as fun otherwise.

“This ain’t Mayweather Vs McGregor puto, fuck your ring, step in the octagon cage where I am king and be destroyed when hit by my killer sting. Unless you brought a whole squad, drop the facade, Your Arms Too short To Box With God.”

“You think you’re some cool cat because of a Street Fighter neck tat, but this is Mortal Kombat and I’m about to bomb that like you’re a Vietnam rat, just from the force of my palm, then splat!”

“So you’re starting with the jab, jab, uppercut and I just look at you like ‘What the fuck?’ Trying again, head and gut, goddamn you hit like a mutt, next you kick me in the nuts but I stay standing like King Tut, I can’t be touched and now you’re caught in my Cobra Clutch.”

“Unless your winning technique is some technicality or a TEC-9, then it technically ain’t worth shit, so what if you’re quick, my body’s like a brick and since you ain’t John Wick, bow down real quick and suck this dick, pendejo!”

sanchez-827537-normal

Heisenberg · October 31, 2021, 1:30pm

Yeah, I’m gonna have to give @Fritz_Fuchs the win on that, but in defense of @Nazareth, he was correct, there ain’t much to work with there. It says something when Naz of all people is struggling to make a rhyme. Don’t know if it’s really a fair match as a result, to be honest, but there it is. Bowden wins by technical knockout.

Nazareth · October 31, 2021, 4:40pm

The Rage (Fritz)
Sanchez (Naz)

0 voters

Nazareth · November 1, 2021, 10:56pm

Kinda hard trying to come up with balanced match ups, but here’s some ideas if anyone’s interested. Hopefully I can sit back and watch a match or two this time.

How about some sibling rivalry?

Zoe Washington